Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
