you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
