Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
