he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize