Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
