i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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