oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
