Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
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