We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
