you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Randomize
