So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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