this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
