So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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