cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
