so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
