proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
