Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
