why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
