Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Boobs speak an international language.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
