We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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