Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
