As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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