My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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