I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
