grandma shit on top of the toilet
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
