Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
