fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
