She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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