i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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