Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
