They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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