if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Come on in and take your pants off
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