do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
