I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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