Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
