why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Girls should come with a carfax report
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
