I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
