why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
