sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize