I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
