Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
