I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
