dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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