I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
