I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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