It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
