Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
