I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
