His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
