He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
