With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
