Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
In other news, I just burned my penis
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
