listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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