After last night, I could never be a politician.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
