He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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