im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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