Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
