do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
