thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
