i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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