Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
