I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
