It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
