i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
