Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
