Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
