Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
