Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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