We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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