Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
