why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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