would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
