I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
