yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize